Love and Loss

Hello friends and family - it's been a while...

Let me start out with the bad news..

Last Saturday night (Sunday morning) I received a phone call from one of my best friends Kelli at around 1:30am. I always answer my phone if I hear it, especially if it's at night because I am always afraid that if I don't answer that something bad will have happened and I wouldn't have gotten to be there for someone I'm close to. I answered the phone and could immediately tell that Kelli was hysterically upset. She and her boyfriend had fought earlier in the day about something and then he had gone out of town with some friends as planned. She was upset because he wasn't answering his phone and she wanted to talk to him. I tried to calm her down as best I could and I told her to go home because she shouldn't be out driving around upset like this and that her boyfriend (who is my husband's best friend) was in Oklahoma and was safe. I told her that we would deal with everything in the morning when she woke up and that she was too upset to think rationally right now. She continued crying and I continued listening to her and talking her through everything. At what would be the end of our conversation, I heard her drop her phone. I called her name out a few times and heard what sounded like her crying and struggling to find her phone. Then I heard a crash. I've been in wrecks before.. I know the sound of metal crushing. The phone went silent, but our call was still connected. I called out her name a few times and then hung up and called her sister. I told her sister that I thought she might have been in a wreck and Casey immediately started putting shoes and a jacket on and we left the house. While I was on the phone with her sister, Casey called 911 to tell them that he thought an accident might have happened around the area where she had been driving. An accident had been confirmed near where she was, but we still didn't know if that accident was her or someone else. I stayed on the phone with Kelli's sister and we finally arrived at the scene of an accident (still not sure if it was Kelli or not) about 15 minutes later. The road had been blocked off and we couldn't see the vehicle. I'll keep the details to myself, but we found out about 20 minutes later that it was Kelli.. and that the accident had been fatal. I sit here a week later still in shock that one of my best friends is gone. I had received frantic phone calls like that from her before, but I never imagined that the phone call I received that night would be the last time I would hear her voice.

The next few days are a blur... I slept maybe 2-3 hours on Sunday morning after the wreck and woke up and prayed that it was just a dream. I woke up and began making the phone calls that no friend wants to receive. One by one I contacted all of our mutual friends to tell them that she was gone. We came together that day at our house that day to be there for each other. My amazing best friends Leigh Anne and Sara came in from Nacogdoches to console me. Casey and I took Monday off to try to get things back together before we both had to go to work on Tuesday. Tuesday came and went... I have one of the most difficult classes that my elementary school has ever seen so my stress level was through the roof this week. Thursday I had a bit of a meltdown at school... but my principal helped calm me down and let me take a breather from my classroom. Thursday night was the visitation at the funeral home. The first thing I saw when I walked in was our paintings from Painting with a Twist. I am so upset with myself for not taking pictures that night... the last night I would get to spend with Kelli. All around the facility were pictures of her Kelli's smiling face. Pictures of her achievements, high school cheerleading, graduation from Kingwood High School... her diploma from Texas A&M... a pink hardhat from her work at Anadarko... framed architectural words like Faith and Believe from her new business Kelli's Creations... and pictures from her travels around the world.

Kelli was an amazing person, but more so, she was an amazing friend to anyone she met. She never held grudges, she never judged people, she just loved. We had our fair share of disagreements, but Kelli was great at reconciliations. She was great at forgiving. She was great at loving. I don't know if I've ever had a friend that checked in on me as much as Kelli did. Who made sure she made time to hang out with me on a weekly basis. Who would call me at 6:30am to talk because she knew I was bored on the way to work. Kelli was one of three people who were at every single one of my wedding functions. She knew what was important to other people and always made sure to be there when people needed her, even if it was an inconvenience.

Friday was Kelli's funeral and my last chance to tell her good bye. As fate would have it, Casey and I (along with Andrew, and two of Kelli's other best friends from Colorado and Oklahoma respectively) ended up sitting on the front row facing the beautiful framed portrait of Kelli. The service was perfect and we all smiled and cried our eyes out as the Aggie War Hymn played as the pallbearers took her away. It was as good as a funeral could get and I'm sure it made Kelli smile to see how many people came to celebrate her that day.

The good news is that I will see Kelli again soon... I know that she is smiling down on us and she has already shown me several times that she is still here with me. Whether it's three of my students spontaneously bursting into song (singing one of Kelli's and my favorites of course) during centers or Brown Eyed Girl coming on my Pandora station randomly yesterday while cleaning the house... I know she's still here. Even if I can't hug her. Even if I can't call her and laugh about me tripping on something yet again. I am comforted that we shared a passion for our faith in God and that is what I am clinging to as I mourn the loss of a great friend and my sister in Christ.

Kelli Marie Flanagan
June 11, 1984 - January 23, 2011